The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I have so much anger and hurt i dont know where to begin im lied to an made to feel like i dont matter or how i feel or even my exsistance or my sons i dont understand why, im doing what i need to is it not good enough ive kept my promises an have not done anything wrong but yet still isnt enough like i figured i knew no matter how well i did or if everything was perfect it still wouldnt be enough i just dont get why we cant be enough why we cant make you happy i try so hard to an yet you make me feel as if ill never be good enough so why bother i felt led on at times an then it take a phone call to show me that it was all jsut what i wanted to hear.. if you mean what you say to me an at times i still belive you do then why do this to me again it not amuzing it hurts... i hate how i am just another baby mama when you talk to your lil friends but im front of our friends anat home you still act like im your mate im your girl an that your happy an you love me if its not true then dont do it anymore i cant take the hurt or getting excited about feeling good if its fake i love you more than youll ever know but you have to decide what you want i know what i want an nothing has changed but i dont want it if your miserable i want you to be happy if im nothing then just say it if im just another girl you had kids with then say it dont make me feel like we are something more if we arent

well i found out the sex of the baby an im having another boy which is good i geuss we were hoping for a lil girl but im still young an we can always try later ...* much later* lol i love my kids but good god i dont want to have them close together again so i figure ill wait until they are like 3an 4 or 4 an 5 or something ill think about it an figure it out when the times comes but until then ill have 2 beautiful boys an thats perfectly alright by me but anyhoo ill probably be on later to write more i jsut thought i would put this in here

Why is it that i cant have a day where i dont feel cheap i hate that when i go to places i get stares or hit on or made to feel less than how i should i hate the way people assume that i want them i have a man i have the family i dont need anything or anyone else but why is it that no doesnt seem to sink in?... or if i try to be polite they just keep going on about what they were trying to do after the fact that no has been said an put out there i dont understand why this is i do not consider myself to be beautiful i am me im just average i have no special talents nore would i want it i like how i am but i hate that every man or almost every man i see or meet thinks that im gonna hop in the bed with them or even think that i want anything from them... part of me hates the way i look i wish that i wasnt appealing i dont understand why i am but men seem to think so i geuss thats why i want the things i want hoping that this shit will stop to me if it stoped id be so happy no matter where i go i always happens luckily what has happened in the past has not happened an hopfully will not happen which is why i watch my situations an am the way i am now but just my ventings i had to get this out i just want it to stop